This week’s RAW starts with the RAW Roulette wheel. The camera pulls back to show Orton and Cena glaring in front of it. Josh steps in and welcomes us to RAW Roulette. All matches will be decided by the wheel, including the main event between Orton and Cena. It could be a Falls Count Anywhere Match, a Steel Cage Match or a Pillow Fight. Josh goes to spin it and Cena calls him Curious George and tells him to get his greasy mitts off the wheel! If the match will be left up to chance, he at least wants lady luck on his side. Eve steps up to the wheel in a metallic mini-dress. She spins and the wheel stops on Tables.
Orton walks off. Josh said the last time we saw Cena in a Tables Match he lost the WWE Title to Sheamus. Cena thanked Josh, it was a bad time in his life and watched to move on. Besides, tonight it’s a fresh start. Who you going to pick? Team Orton or Team Cena? He looks at Eve and said tonight he’s feeling lucky. Cena spins the wheel and the camera zooms in on the spinning WWE logo.
Music and pyro.
The steel cage is hanging over the ring. Cole talks about how it’s been nearly three years since we’ve played RAW Roulette. Already a blockbuster announcement from the wheel. King’s thrilled about the main event.
In the ring, Justin announces Chad Ochocinco. The fans in Cincinnati are hot for Ochocinco! He comes out shaking hands, then I hear a few boos. He almost loses his pants on the apron, just before getting in the ring he hikes them up. The music goes off and their some mixed reaction to him. He sounds nervous. He welcomes everyone to the season premier of RAW. Never ever has there been a guest star as hansom as himself. It will be an exciting and unforgettable night. It will –
Miz cuts Ochocinco off. Miz comes out and welcomes Ochocinco. He says the Bengals are his team, RAW is Miz’s show. Miz’s spray tan makes him look like a pumpkin. Miz says it’s nice to have a Guest Host he can relate to. They both say what they want, when they want because they can. Ochocinco’s a 6 time all pro wide receiver. Miz is Mr. MITB and the US Champion. Miz says they’re nothing alike because Miz is a Champion. Miz will defend his Championship at Night of Champions and Ochocinco will never have a championship because he plays for the Cincinnati Bungles. Fans hate Miz for THAT! The chant for Ochocinco.
Ochocinco says he’s got two words for you. The fans yell ‘Suck it!’, but the two words were ‘Child, Please!’ Obviously Miz hasn’t been to Cincinnati in a while. The Bengals won the AFC North last year. The Reds are going to the playoffs this year. Not just himself, but his boy T.O. and the rest of his team mates are ready to get a Superbowl Championship this year. Miz asked ‘really?’ Ochocinco came back with ‘really!’ They went back and forth with ‘really’ a couple times. Miz says the only thing he’s seen him and T.O. do together was leave a game at half time and when the hail Mary pass was thrown the wide receivers with in the locker room Tweeting! Cole said it did happen. Ochocinco wears 85. What’s 85? The number of passes he’ll drop this year or is 85 how Carson Palmer moves like and 85 year old man. Either way Ochocinco and the Bengals are overrated because he’s the Miz and he’s –
Ding-Ding! Heat for Cole, of course! “Enough talk, it’s time to determine the Miz’s match tonight, spin the wheel!” Fox in a floral ruched strapless dress spins. Submission Match! Ochocinco taunts Miz about it being a Submission Match and then –
Ding-Ding! “The wheel determined the wheel determined they type of non-Title match Miz will have. Miz’s opponent will be decided by Ochocinco.”
Ochocinco says 85 represents the number of ways this guy can tap Miz out. What better way to start this match than with his boy Daniel Bryan. Cole about has a stroke over how ‘unfair’ it is that Miz has to face Bryan so soon before Night of Champions.
Daniel Bryan Vs. Miz w/ Alex Riley
Bryan on mix with kicks in a corner. Miz is whipped but moves and Bryan catches the corner badly with a foot. Chop block to Bryan’s left knee. Miz scoop clams Bryan so his leg hit’s the ropes. Bryan’s knee locked in the ropes as Miz stomps him. Riley outside watches closely and bounces around like a golden retriever. Miz locks on a figure four leg lock, Bryan turns it over. Bryan locks on his crossface, but Miz to the ropes.
Miz outside with Riley asking over and over if Miz is okay. Riley keeps telling Miz to get in there. Miz grabs a mic and has a hernia. To make sure he can defend on Sunday, he’s pulling out of this match. Cole says he should do this.
The announcer says the winner of this match by forfeit – Miz says he didn’t forfeit, he’s hurt. Bryan can now face his substitute Alex Riley. Riley rips off his Miz shirts and into the ring in jeans. Riley stomps the heck out of Bryan. King and Cole yell about Miz’s ‘injury’. Riley with Bryan’s left leg around his neck, but Bryan counters with his crossface and Riley taps out.
Winner – Daniel Bryan
Miz in and attacks Bryan, stomping and kicking the heck out of him. Miz drops his strap in front of Bryan. He forces Bryan’s face down and says he’ll never have this because he’s average. Miz set up for his SCF, but Bryan reversed it into his crossface. Miz tapped away while Cole screamed and yelled about Bryan and King laughed about it all. Riley watched the whole thing from ringside and didn’t help Miz. Bryan yelled out at Miz as he was helped away by Riley.
Backstage Jillian is bouncing by the wheel in a gray dress. She spins the wheel and sings Right round with Edge and the wheel just keeps spinning. Edge stops and looks worried at the wheel as it doesn’t stop.
Many Bengals in the front rows.
Edge comes out to the ring looking nervous. Evan out to the ring, all smiles. We still don’t know what type of match it is. Justin then announces a Body Slam Challenge.
Edge Vs. Evan Bourne – Body Slam Challenge
Edge and Evan lock up. Edge goes for a slam, Evan easily out of it. Into one corner, then another and Evan tries to float over, but it caught. Evan holds the ropes from the corner halfway to the next. Evan gets free and kicks Edge in the face. Edge drops like a ton of bricks. Evan tries to get Edge up but Edge gets free and then plants Evan backward to the mat. Edge gets Evan up and slams him.
Winner – Edge
Edge then sets Evan up for a spear and he nails it. Evan rolls from the ring and Edge poses in the ring –
Ding-Ding! “Congratulations on your victory Edge. However since you blatantly took advantage of your opponent after the match, I would like to see you compete in a second Body Slam Challenge against this man.”
Mark Henry comes out with a huge grin on his face.
Edge Vs. Mark Henry – Body Slam Challenge
Edge on Henry hard and backs him into a corner. Henry pushes Edge off Edge whipped, but moves and Henry eats the corner. Edge tries to get Henry up, but falls back with Henry on top. Henry picks Edge up and slam him to the mat.
Winner – Mark Henry
Henry goes right out to check on Evan who still sits ringside. Video highlights of both Edge matches. Henry is still talking to Evan who’s now on his feet.
Ted DiBiase Jr. and Maryse out to the ring together, both in ring gear – Maryse’s silver and sparkly! R-Truth and Eve out together, he sings, she’s posing in blue. During the commercial they spun and it’s a Song And Dance Match.
Ted DiBiase Jr. & Maryse Vs. R-Truth and Eve
Justin announces that each team must pick one member to sing and the other dances. The winner chosen by audience reaction. They start R-Truth’s music and he says not that one! They’ve already heard that one. He sings a new song while Eve dances, sorta. Looks like she’s on a basketball court cheering. She does a back flip as the fans are singing along with R-Truth, they love them while Cole really rips on R-Truth.
Ted says this is RAW, not America’s Got Talent! They don’t want to hear R-Truth sing! He should just forfeit, but he won’t because as Maryse knows, he’s full of surprises. Ted calls for a spotlight. Ted then starts singing My Way by Frank Sinatra. Maryse floats around him, not really doing much. “You suck!” chants. Ted and Maryse attack R-Truth and Eve. Maryse slams Eve’s face to the mat, but Eve comes back with a huge clothesline. Ted sets up for his finisher, but R-Truth counters, Eve slaps Ted and R-Truth takes Ted out.
Winners – R-Truth & Eve
R-Truth goes back to singing and Eve dancing outside the ring.
Backstage Regal, Ochocinco and the Bellas watch the wheel. It’s a Trading Places Match. Ochocinco explains he has to dress as his opponent. Regal wants to know who he’s facing. Goldust is there and tells Regal he might need this. Goldust holds out his wig. Regal slowly takes it with disdain all over his face. They leave and the Bella say maybe a Pillow Fight. Sheamus into the shot. Ochocinco says he heard from the GM. Ochocinco says if John Morrison beats Sheamus, then he’ll take Jericho’s spot at mic. Sheamus calls the Bellas fellas and tells them to spin the wheel. It’s Falls Count Anywhere. The Bellas and Ochocinco laugh at Sheamus. Sheamus can’t get Ochocinco’s name right and decides to call him Mick, just to make it easy for himself. Tonight he’ll show Ochocinco what real reality TV is when he wipes the floor with Morrison. It will be like the way the Pats mauls his Bengals yesterday. Sheamus says because he likes his team, he backs up his patter. Sheamus leaves and the Bellas go back to talking Pillow fight with Ochocinco.
Edge paces. Ryder in and asks why the GM has it in for him? Did he steal the GM’s girlfriend or something? Edge calls Ryder a tool, they don’t even know who the GM is! Ryder goes off about not being a tool, but he will drop the hammer. He had to explain his hammer comment. Edge says when he wins the Title, he and it will go MIA. Sheamus comes in and asks about Edge thinking he’ll win and hold out, it won’t happen. Ryder yells about Edge being burned! Edge and Sheamus just stare. Sheamus then tells Edge to pay attention to what he does to Morrison next. Sheamus leaves and Edge makes a comment about Sheamus holding his breath. Edge makes like Sheamus’ breath is funky.
The backside of Morrison doing pull ups, the hard way, on a beam in a trailer. Then he drops, gives an animalistic look and takes off running. Around a person on a laptop, then hurdles over some anvil cases, then up the side of bigger case, then runs across and through things until he does a handstand bounce from one case to another. Cole talks about this French way of training called Parkour. King said Cole made something very cool sound horrible boring.
Sheamus out to the ring, but his entrance wasn’t on TV because they showed Morrison backstage.
WWE Rewind – last week Jericho lost to Morrison and is out of the 6 Pack Challenge.
Sheamus in the ring. Morrison out to pop and poses for the fans.
John Morrison Vs. Sheamus – Falls Count Anywhere Match
They lock up and Sheamus takes Morrison down a couple times with punches. Morrison into a corner. Sheamus pulls Morrison out for a clothesline, but Morrison reverses and pins for two. Sheamus back on Morrison hard. Morrison comes back with a dropkick for two, but then Sheamus throws him from the ring. Sheamus out as Morrison slides in. baseball slide to Sheamus, then Morrison gets Sheamus’ head through the ropes, but Sheamus grabs Morrison. Morrison reverses into head scissors outside. A high knee to Sheamus and then Morrison pins on the floor for two. More kicking to Sheamus, but he then pushes Morrison into the barrier. Sheamus rushes Morrison and is sent over the barrier. Sheamus kicks a guard in the head. Morrison runs and flies over the barrier onto Sheamus. Morrison gets two and a fan gets a kick in the chest. Morrison on Sheamus hard, but Sheamus comes out with a backbreaker. Morrison slammed into pyro, then picked up and lands on a railing rips first. Sheamus gets a two.
Sheamus goes for his high kick, but Morrison moves and Sheamus kicks a vertical case. Morrison doesn’t gain much as Sheamus back on him and works Morrison up onto the stage and gets two. Sheamus poses and showboats on the stage. Punches to Morrison’s head on the stage, then Sheamus gets Morrison up, but Morrison wiggles out and Sheamus almost goes over the edge. Sheamus sends Morrison over the side, Morrison lands on his feet. Morrison bounces off the stage and nails Sheamus with an enziguri for two. Sheamus’ power is too much and he takes Morrison down, but only gets two. Sheamus sets Morrison up for a delayed, but he gets free. Morrison eats a back elbow. Sheamus up on the stage with a chair and can’t find Morrison. Morrison high above Sheamus and flies down in a cross body. Jericho out with a chair, nails Morrison with it from behind. Sheamus pins Morrison for three.
Winner – Sheamus
Jericho’s sitting in a folding chair in the ring.
Split screen of Cena and Orton getting ready for their main event.
Jericho still sits in the ring, glaring around at the fans. He puts a mic to his mouth and says he’s not going anywhere until he gets what he wants. He’ll sit in the middle of this ring all night long until he gets the restitution he deserves. He’ll sit there until they get an email from the GM that says he’s been reinstated in the 6 Pack Challenge. Pulling him from that match was stupidity, expecting Morrison to replace him was lunacy. He expects justice and will have it tonight. If he doesn’t get what he wants Mr. GM, then he quits. He will go home and watch as the entire WWE burns up in flames, laughing every step of the way. Don’t think he’s serious? Try him! This time it’s for real. If the GM doesn’t give him what he wants, he’s out of there. Heat from the fans. Okay GM, he’s going to track down the GM and expose his identity to the world, try him! Come on!
Ding-Ding! Jericho yells that of course they have an email, just read it! “Jericho, I really don’t like ultimatums. There’s no chance that’s going to work. No chance in hell.” Jericho laughs and says the GM thinks he’s going to believe he’s Vince McMahon himself? No. Mr. McMahon is not a coward. He has guts and if he had orders to be barking he’d be out there doing it man to man, not from behind a screen. Furthermore Mr. McMahon would want his most valuable asset at the PPV. Try again! Come on!
Ding-Ding! Cole calls for attention – Jericho yells at him to shut up! Just read it! Cheers from the fans for that one. “there’s something you should know Jericho. I will make this 6 Pack Challenge a 6 Pack Elimination. It will start with six men, when one’s eliminated, it will go down to five and continue until there’s a sole winner. I’m telling you this because I’ve decided to put you back in the 6 Pack Challenge.” Heat from the fans. “However – “
Jericho tells Cole to give him his moment. Jericho then says to the GM that a deal is a deal, he’ll let the show continue and for admitting that Chris Jericho is the brightest, biggest star in your company. And to show the GM’s made the right decision, he’ll guarantee he’s walking out of the arena the new WWE Champion.
Ding-Ding! “Don’t ever interrupt me again! As I was saying. I’m going to put you back in the 6 Pack Challenge, provided you win your match tonight. That will take place right now. Since you are the best in the world at what you do Chris, you are going to compete in a Handicap Match against the WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty. One other thing, this match is going to be contested inside a steel cage.” Jericho ripped off his jacket and flew from the ring at Cole, screaming the whole time. Jericho is screaming at Cole as if it’s all his fault and demanding the GM’s email address.
Chris Jericho Vs. The Hart Dynasty (Tyson Kidd & DH Smith) w/ Natalya
It’s stated that both Kidd’s and Smith’s feet have to touch the floor for them to with this match, if they try to win by escaping the cage. The ref and Smith pulled Jericho away from the door by his feet. Another ref closed them in. Kidd on Jericho with kicks. Kidd sends Jericho into Smith who slams him. Smith gets Jericho up and Kidd take shim down. Kidd and Smith on the ropes and climbing. Jericho up and grabs Kidd to stop him from leaving. Smith gets out and both feet touch the floor, so he’s out of the match.
Jericho and Kidd fight on the top rope. Jericho lands. When Jericho gets to his feet and Kidd lands a cross body for two. Big clothesline to Kidd and both are down. Jericho kicks Kidd, then throws him into the cage. Bitch slap to Kidd on the mat. Jericho yells to the camera if this is what the GM wants. Kidd heads out the door but Jericho pulls him back in. Sick kick to Kidd’s ribs, then rakes his face across the metal. Suplex on Kidd, then taunts him with a kick. Chinlock on Kidd in the center of the ring. Kidd up and elbows out, but a knees to his head.
Three dropkicks from Kidd, then he slams Jericho’s face into the top turnbuckle pad. A back kick to Jericho’s gut and Jericho is whipped, but Jericho runs up the corner and tries to keep going. Kidd up and slams Jericho down. Kidd flies but Jericho grabs him and sets up for the walls. Kidd counters and almost gets three. Kidd manages to get the sparpshooter locked on. Jericho got to the ropes, but that means nothing. The leverage is all Jericho needs to get free. Kidd tossed into the cage and climbs. They fight up top. Jericho somehow manages to jump down holding Kidd in the walls. Kidd has to tap out.
Winner – Chris Jericho
Jericho talks smack into the camera, then motions that he’ll win the belt, big smirk on his face.
Pete Rose is in the front row with his son and grandkids.
Goldust in the ring dressed as Regal, right down to the wig! Regal comes out to Goldust’s music, looking very unhappy about this. He shakes his head in the ring. He removes the robe and is clutches it to himself. Off comes the wig.
Regal as Goldust Vs. Goldust as Regal
Regal stops Goldust, then does Goldust’s little body touching snap. Goldust turns around, puts on Regal’s knucks. One punch and Regal’s out. Goldust pins for three.
Winner – Goldust as Regal
Goldust leaves Regal prone in the ring, removing the wig as he left.
Split screen – Cena and Orton heading for the ring.
King and Cole go through the matches slated for Night of Champions.
Ochocinco is in the ring and they’re playing NFL music. He again stumbles through what he’s supposed to say. He announces the special Ring announcer, the lovely, the hansom, Estephan Ochocinco. The next match is a Tables Match. To win this match you must put your opponent through a table. He announces the Viper, Randy Orton who comes out and smirks at a table before heading to the ring. Video from last Monday when Darren Young helped Orton get the RKO on Wade. Then Darren ate an RKO. Following that up Edge got an RKO, then Sheamus got one to leave Orton smiling in the ring. Orton poses for the fans, then seems to give Ochocinco the RKO look. Ochocinco then says Cena’s from Newberry Massachusetts. Cena comes out all thrilled with himself and watches Orton close. Cena poses again and throws his shirt out to the fans.
John Cena Vs. Randy Orton – Tables Match
The fans are loud and they both suck it up before locking up. They break as they can’t get anywhere. Both look around, then ready for another lock up. This time Cena gets a side headlock on Cena. “Cena” chants. Shoulder block from Cena. Orton up feeling his jaw. They both look around at the fans and the “RKO” chants. They lock up, Orton gets the side headlock, then Orton hit’s the shoulder block.
They reach at each other a number of times until Cena gets Orton’s waist in a clutch, but Orton back elbows and punches his control over Cena. “RKO” chants. Orton in control and takes his time. “Cena” chants. Orton onto the apron and they lock up over the top. Cena pushes Orton off and Orton lands, careful of not going through the table.
They exchange blows until Orton nails a neck breaker on Cena. Orton stomps Cena, but only once. Orton drops a knee, then kicks at Cena. Cena half onto the apron and Orton stomps him through the ropes. Cena pulls himself up on the apron. Punches from Cena and Cena plays up almost falling through a table, but then Cena in and fights back with a suplex on Orton. Both down on the mat. When they both got to their feet they both hit clotheslines to each other. Again both down!
They talk as their on the mat, Cena’s obviously saying something to Orton. Cena gets Orton up for an AA, Orton gets from and hits his RKO. Orton rolls from the ring and inexpertly pulls a table in. he had to go out to get the table into the ring. Orton sets the table up in a corner. Cena up and nails two shoulder blocks in what Cole calls ‘vintage’ John Cena. Cena then slams Orton to the mat and hits his Five Knuckle Shuffle. Orton up for an AA, but Orton free and nails two clotheslines and his fast scoop slam. Orton goes for an RKO, but Cena pushes of, nails a drop toe hold and locks on the STF.
Nexus, led by Wade Barrett rushes the ring. They all slide in and pile onto Cena. They stomp Cena into the mat right in front of the table. Orton up and nails Tarver with an RKO. Nexus goes after Orton. Cena up and nails Otunga with an AA. Slater rushes Cena and is sent over the top and through a table. Wade gets Cena up and slams him to the mat. Wade stares down at Cena, then leaves the ring, Gabriel watching over Cena. Wade slides a table into Gabriel. “Cena” chants. Wade and Gabriel set up the table. Gabriel climbs as Wade starts to put Cena on the table. Orton runs up and pushes Gabriel off the corner. He flies through the table on the opposite side of the ring from Slater.
Wade puts Cena back down on the mat and nails Orton with a big boot. Wade looks between Orton and Cena as if trying to decide what to do. Wade pulls Orton up and brings him over to the ropes closest to announce with plans to send Orton over the ropes and out through the table. Orton elbows out and they end up fighting over the top rope. Orton gains control and sends Wade backward through the table waiting there.
Camera zeros in on Orton who’s breathing heavy, then looks around. Quietly and carefully Orton moves a table, then pounds the mat, ready for an RKO. Cena’s barely moving and Edge and Jericho rush the ring. They stomp Orton together. Jericho pulls Orton to his feet, but Orton fights back, then after Edge in a corner. Jericho tries for a code breaker, but Orton counters. Edge runs to spear Orton but ends up spearing Jericho and himself through the first table Orton set up.
Sheamus in and nails Orton in the face with a forearm, then kicks Cena from the apron. Sheamus pulls Cena up, but Super Cena reverses and manages to nail Sheamus with an AA. Cena pulls himself up to the apron, Orton’s about to nail his DDT through the ropes on Cena, but Cena reverses it, getting Orton up for an AA. Cena seems to hit his AA, but the ref calls Orton the winner. I looked at it again and saw that Orton reversed the move into a DDT and while they both went through the table, Cena went through more and Orton had control of the move.
Winner – Randy Orton
Orton poses in a corner. Video of Nexus rushing out and getting involved in the match, then a number of them going through tables. King says Wade’s table slam is his favorite. Then they showed how Orton reversed Cena’s AA as they moved through the air. Orton poses on a corner and smiles maniacally.
Thanks for reading!